Michelle Obama's magical Lanvin Sneakers that cost nearly $600 a pop (including sales tax).

Michelle Obama’s shiny metallic sneakers must have high-tech, top-secret and marvelously magical powers. You know, superpowers like walking on water, turning water into wine, lowering the national unemployment rate, helping to revive a crappy economy, reversing government overspending, lowering taxes and all that other really nifty hocus-pocus. Barack’s book sales must still be doing splendidly well to afford such unnecessary luxuries. With two White House blunders this week, the Obama administration certainly couldn’t afford this tacky and thoughtless third.

Although, I have to say, it is refreshing to see the First Lady looking so June Cleaver-esque, doing her charity work at a D.C. food bank along with Joe Biden’s wife (whatever her name is) marking their first 100 days in Washington. Since the Presidential Inauguration, Mrs. Obama has become the “it” woman for the mindless, fashionable set. Really, only a MINDLESS NIMWIT would shell out nearly $600 ($565 at Barneys.com – almost six Benjamins when you add D.C.’s 5.575% sales tax – presuming they were bou ght in the District) for a pair of freakin’ SNEAKERS.

Every “lady” knows that there is a certain time and place when it’s sociably acceptable to wear expensive attire. While meeting with heads of state, it would be more reasonable for Mrs. Obama to wear $550+ designer dress shoes. However, when “spreading the wealth” with handouts to the poor it’s not a fine time to flash pricy designer Lanvin sneakers! Maybe I’m totally off and it was a gift from the design house or a hand-me-down courtesy of the Tin Man. Either way, Mrs. Obama, you’re the First Lady of this country, prove to us that your family is fiscally and socially responsible with YOUR OWN MONEY AS WELL AS WITH OURS.

It wasn’t too long ago that many ridiculed damned Sarah Palin for the $150k spent on a new wardrobe for her and her family while on the campaign trail. Or the $520 loafers purchased for Senator John McCain. Sure, $150k from donations on a wardrobe is seemingly above and beyond. And $520 on a pair of dress loafers, in my opinion, isn’t all that bad. I’ve never met a man that owns more than five pair of shoes. So, it’s probably sufficed to say old Johnny’s probably put those puppies to good use. Fortunately for the Obamas, they’ve secured their place as the First Family and no longer need to win the crowd with fancy SNEAKERS. This administration’s inaugural celebration was the MOST EXPENSIVE yet, and with outlandish delicacies like $100 per serving wagyu steaks at cocktail parties this latest faux pas is just another one to add to taxpayers’ shit list.

It would be advisable that the First Lady fire her stylist a.s.a.p. and use good old common sense during these economic downtimes to aid her in her wardrobe choices. And I must say, our Second Lady, Joe Biden’s wife (whatever her name is) looked fetching in comfy silver Tory Burch ballet flats priced at a much SMARTER $195 dollars. As for me, my feet are happy and free in my twelve-buck turquoise blue rubber Havaianas flip-flops.

Lady Libery Gives Air Force One the One Finger Salute. Photo art by Michelle.

Y’all remember September 11th, 2001, that now notorious day in world history when a Saudi thug by the name of Osama Bin Laden was credited for the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil ever? It’s been quite some time, so your memory might be a wee bit foggy. Especially for those of you who weren’t on the island of Manhattan, or a bridge or tunnel’s distance away that late summer morning.

Fast forward seven-and-half years later to present day. We have a new thug by the name of Obama in the White House. He’s a super cool cat, sensitive and congenial. He’s the people’s clear choice for HOPE and CHANGE and all that other really, really, good Socialist mumbo jumbo. So Mack Daddy Obama, why did this assholish event take place Monday, involving YOUR 747 jet diving through lower Manhattan?!!  Granted, it did say “Air Force One” on the side for anyone with Superman-esque laser vision to see.  Of course, assuming those same people weren’t also fleeing for their lives.  Mr. President, I’m sure you have a fascinating explanation.  Perhaps you just didn’t know what your incompetent employees were planning to do with tax payers’ loose CHANGE of $329,000 dollars, right G?

Well, it turns out Mr. Prez didn’t know diddly ’bout this shizzle and is pissed, fo real yo. Mr. Louis Caldera claims responsibility for the super duper idea to fly Air Force One over New York City and New Jersey.  The purpose?  It was for a “training flight” AND sexy mid-air flyover photo shoot, barely missing Lady Liberty’s left ear.  I wonder where he brewed such a fab plan to terrorize thousands of New Yorkers SHIrTLESS? Me thinks most likely while on the can – what better place to come up with crap (like me writing this blog)! This “hip” administration just couldn’t stand to have the same old passé photographs of Air Force One hanging over Mount Rushmore.  Ugh…that’s so “100 days” ago.  It would look tacky on the many coffee tabletops at the White House Crib.  Gotta impress the international homies, word.

During a press conference a pissed-off Mayor Mike Bloomberg politely stated that the photo shoot was “insensitive” and that he was “furious” that he wasn’t told about it.  Someone forgot to pass the Mayor of New York City a memo?! Oopsie…

For the $329,000 large the government wasted on some dope pics and a joyride, they could’ve purchased 465 licenses of Adobe Photoshop CS4 with a bonus of three blinged out camels, ten goats and 12 jackasses.  Well, maybe hold the jackasses – Obama’s already got those positions filled.

If a talentless half-wit like myself can hack together the above picture in Photoshop all by my lonesome, I’d place a Fifty Cent bet that a non-paid White House intern can too. They could save even more taxpayer money and download an illegal copy (no biggie by Washington’s standards)!  Surely Prez Obama’s peeps are familiar with Photoshop.  I mean, c’mon, isn’t that what they used to create his “legitimate” birth certificate that’s been circulating around the internet? And why do they need new pictures anyway?! Is the President planning to charter out Air Force One to rich Middle-Eastern oil or real estate magnates? I hear the Bin Laden family is filthy rich.

Answers damn it, New Yawkers want REAL ANSWERS!!! And possibly a few government goofballs’ cushy jobs WHACKED!