SEP
10
2009

How to KILL and COOK a LOBSTER!


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If you’re a vegan, or animal rights activist against seafood consumerism and consumption, now is the best time for you to click the back button on your browser and leave this how-to at once (but thanks for stopping by!).  Okay, so if you’re still reading this I assume you looovvee the mouth-watering and heavenly taste of a lobster tail lightly spritzed with tangy lemon juice and dunked in warm, drawn  butter.  If so, read and watch on my fellow lobster lovah!



For some, killing and cooking a live lobster can be intimidating.  After all, most of us aren’t like the contestants on Top Chef, right?!  If you enjoy chowing down on America’s “favorite crustacean” you can easily do so from the comfort of your own home and it won’t cost you an arm and a leg either (although, it will cost the lobster some legs and two meaty claws…and a tail).  

Since the onset of the Great Recession, the market price for fresh Maine lobsters has become an affordable luxury for us common folk.  Kind of funny, since lobsters were considered “poor man’s” grub since the early days of the New England colonies and as recent as the 1950′s!  Our “select” sized live lobsters (1.5 lbs/each) were purchased at a seafood market in New York City’s Chinatown for about $6.50 per pound.  The friendly Chinese fish mongers even threw in (quite literally) a bunch of scallions for that price.  Gotta love New Yawk!

Okay, yes, the idea of killing and cooking a live lobster may be a wee fretful but you’ll soon get over it.  In addition to the yumminess factor, eating lobster can be beneficial to your health as well.  After all, lobster is all protein (no carbs!), low-cal and rich in zinc, potassium, vitamins A, B, B12, D and vital Omega-3 fatty acids.  So, warm a pot, tie on a bib and get crackin’ to a healthier you. 

Health tip:  Now just don’t get too crazy with that butter!

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173 Comments »

  • shame on u people! I dont know that when god has created so much vegetation for us y u relish non veg food at d cost of life of innocent animals. ALL OF U GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • I dont know if your being sarcastic or not. But Yeh but vegetation provides very little protein, which is necessary for a growing body. Milk, and meat provide us with the most protein, and both of those things came from animals. And god isn’t even real so I dont even know why you would bring that up. Besides, animals eat other animals out of instinct, its the way the world works.

  • Don’t think I ever eaten 3 lobsters by myself.

  • I love to eat lobster, and I would try to cook some, but for some reason I don’t think I would be able to get myself to kill one either method. I don’t know, I guess I’m just a wuss. LOL

  • Brain the size of grasshoppers? well. they deserve to be eaten just for that.

  • at least it wasnt boiled alive. seriously maybe it is painful getting stabbed in the brain but id rather have that then getting boiled alive

  • HE ATE THE EYE!!!!!!!! *looks digusted*U were playing with it to u freak!

  • dude have you ever eaten tofu? Ass taste like ass but at least it has A taste. I heard your PETA gal is gonna BBQ herself after she KACKS I bet she taste like a bitter old cunt but its better than tofu! *BITCH SLAP* Go back and learn young weed hopper my kung fu is stronger than yours because I gots da MEAT!

  • Oooh noes. Not Dr Zoidberg. You bastard.

  • NO HE WAS like nom nom nom nom nom

  • lol hes like mmm yum yum yum yum xD thats what i do you should make a cooking show :D

  • you should subscribe to us for the obvious reasons

  • This makes me want to quit eating meat!

  • I hope in the near future giants will cook and eat humans. Put humans like barbarians in cages ready to get the brains bashed in the kitchen while the family is next. The Giants would probally say we dont feel pain either. Well i hope the bitch dies of food poisining and dies horribly :) The same with the faggot. DEATH TO THEM ALL!!! :)

    • Says the guy who believes giants will come into existence in the near future. Why are you even watching this does the title not imply he will be killing and cooking lobster?

    • I can tell you are liberal by the hatered and rage you project. Maybe these giants will eat YOU first!

    • Yeah, so wrong how after killing these creators weren’t enough. Sometimes, we even have the audacity to pluck all their feathers and strip them naked and shove them in an ice cold box and let them sit their. Chopped them up into little pieces. cover them up in goo and toss them in boiling oil to torment them. If they can look down from heaven and see what we did to their dead bodies, they would roll over in their grave.

  • We like to cook humans this way on my home planet of Noygukau. They usually trash about for a minute or two while they writhe in agony, but they sure are good eating!

  • Nice and informative video :wink:

    Have a good time Michelle!:wink:

  • Hahahaha, look at all these stupid peeps arguing and insulting each other.

  • And you are saying people who touch a hot plate and get blisters dont feel pain? Im pretty sure youre some american crackhead you are really talking out of youre rear end my friend. When you are hiking in bad shoes you will feel pains on youre feet from bad material,and when the pain continues it will leave marks aka blisters. Pain leads to blisters,you just dont have to get blisters out of nowhere like POW here,have some blisters. Learn to think rationally. Leave the ghetto behind and focus.

    • No. You do not feel pain instantly. And that’s the point. Also that’s called torture to me. Slow is done for torture. Yes the act of beheading is done. But we were talking about lobsters who get stabbed in the cranium for a death blow. The relevance to what terrorists do to POWs is nonexistent. We are talking about quick, not torture.

      • Has nothing to do with torture,slowly as in taking the time,you cant cut through the nerve systems right away. Be sure if you have youre throat cut in any way it will hurt. Some scientists said you have this gagging feeling,for christ sake you have a knife cutting through youre adams apple,you think you wont feel anything? what a faggot you are.

        • You’ve yet to say how that’s gay. Also, your talking about doing this slowly, but you have expanded upon that. You admit that going fast with a guillotine is not the same as slowly torturing someone into death. Then you cannot deny the fact that stabbing the lobster brain first is painless because the nerves are cut before the pain arrives. Therefore what on Earth are you even arguing for anymore? You lose. Lobster not suffering. It’s dead. So than leave and stop making a fool of yourself.

          • Yeah,tell yourself that you murderer. Obviously you are speaking with a conscience. You are the idiot bringing in guillotine and blisters in the debate which are totally irrelevant. Ive seen methods people use to kill lobsters and they basicly bash a knife in their brains,its barbaric in its way. Killing a living thing with pain or no pain its barbaric. I hope you die of food poisoning and youre heart exploads from the pain :)

          • Oh, and plants are not alive? You being biased, you know. You assume that only a creature with a nervous system can feel pain. But what defines pain? Is it not a response to a negative stimuli? Then when a cell is punctured as you eat a plant, and that cell tries its best to send signals to its other cells to defend themselves, and those other cells can’t do anything to stop your teeth, why isn’t that pain? The cell is telling other cells “danger, defend yourself” How is it not pain then?

          • Ofcourse creatures with nervous systems feel pain retard. Plants and vegatables have no autonomy at all,now you go as far to go against everything i say and now you bring in fruits/vegatables lol. You have no clue what so ever. Something tells me you are a girl and a non-american. Why dont you go behind the stove and stfu. lol cell ´´danger,defend yourself´´ i laughed. unplug the PC and go do youre female chores. submale unworthy you are.

          • Oh, sexist too are you? Tell me, what makes you right? Also, if you are right, explain cell signaling? Oh, and plants have lots of anatomy. You’re just ignorant. They have Primary roots, lateral roots. Root tips and root hairs, node, inter-nodes, epidermis, apical buds, petiole, cotyledon, pro cambium, Apical meristem, ground meristem, protoderm. Wow, that’s a lot, and not even all of it…. Wait, what was this about plants having no anatomy? If you reply, say something true, or not at all.

          • First of all retard,anatomy is explanatory for humans and animals, things as heart/liver/spleen/lungs are organs that form the anatomy. Plants dont have that so i fail to see how you say ”plants have anatomy”. The right answer you failed to see is the word phytotomy,what plants have. Did you ever buy roses from the flowerist? They sell you cut roses who function for a while when giving water. The anatomy of humans/animals doesnt function that way. idiot comparing plants with living things.

          • I do not understand. You just told me that only species like us are significant. What if some alien species is like a plant but has nerves and a brain? it wouldn’t say pain, but it still would. Also, You still haven told me how a cell doesn’t feel pain, despite the fact that it signals neighboring cells when danger is near.

  • i just hope that the lobster with the brainsize of a grasshoper has a mechanism that doesnt feel pain. But those are just assumptions we arent lobsters so we cant know the pain barriere,also deep inside we just fool ourselfs thinking that to justify the things we are doing. Plus goat milk is a natural product i dont know why youre crackhead decided to talk about milk. No one can be kind in this shit world anyway so why care about lobsters right lol. Even me as paki im rare,i think humanity fails

    • Well That’s nice, but I’ll still eat lobster. And right now that’s the way you have to live with it. Honestly, why doe sit concern you that much? Also, you are talking about slicing a throat. Beheading someone a la french style is painless. Also, you are speaking to someone who has had some pretty bad injuries. But I go on. I do not wine about it. Hell, I’ll let a mosquito drink my blood if I’m in a good mood. Maggots also clean deep cuts very well in the wild. Let them eat. It’s health. lol.

      • youre the biggest faggot the world could ask for. And who the fck keeps a 500 Kilo guillotine if someone needs to be beheaded you retard,we arent living in the 17th century. Americans having the IQ lower than my weight is true not a stereotype. And yeah i hope you in a good mood get malaria from a mosquito also,and die from painfull death :) Retard

        • For all your hatred, you’ve yet to prove how I eating lobster makes me dumb. You’ve also yet to prove me wrong. Because the only way to behead someone is through a guillotine or similar device. If you do it any other way, it will not work on the first blow, and thus torture, not beheading Also, the statements that all Americans are dumb is quite ignorant. Americans are not one race or group. They are all, so you just called yourself dumb too. clap clap clap.

          • No one cares you eating lobster queerbait. The fact that you dont know beheading takes a while to fully seperate the head from the body,proves that youre a dumb ahole. You claiming you wont even feel the first moment of the blade cutting the neck is hilarious also. “it doesnt hurt“retard. If youre the example of an american youre quite fcking dumb,whenever you ask for world orientated things to regular americans they answer like they are high or something. Fcking retards

          • Actually no. You would not feel anything. If what you say is true, then nobody should get blisters from touching a hot surface. Because according to your logic, they should be able to feel the pain instantly. But they do not. And so their flesh burns, and they get blisters. The same thing for beheading. Once the blade goes through your neck, the nerves are severed and you feel nothing. I am above you. because I am educated in the field of biology. You apparently are not.

          • The people that have been beheading POWs in Iraq have been doing it by slowly slicing through the neck and then the spinal column. This leaves plenty of time and nerves intact to feel the pain and even more. Like i said,the guillotine was made by the french to do it relatively fast because axes/swords/knifed failed. So in other words if youre not living in the 7th century,france than YES beheading will give you pain,you RETARD. Educated my ass.

  • The spinal cord wont immidiately be cut you retard. Especially not with a blunt knife. You will feel it atleast for 10 seconds. Are you actually retarded enough to even think the first contact with the neck and knife you wont feel a thing? You just happen to die like that right,lol crackhead. Ofcourse i stand up for lobsters because they are living things retard,and house negros ARE NEGATIVE. you have no clue what you are talking about. People should cut vegetables not living things.

  • oh i mean crab wrong spelling xD

  • okay look many poeple say not to hurt or harm animal but wait i think that everypoeple is hurting or harming them cause poeple are cooking animals like fish,lobster and crap and eat it wtf

  • observe yourself right now. Se your spontaneous anger over what I feel is simply nothing? Well now your the elephant and I’m the guy asking why you went berserk for nothing. However, I’m sure if we were friends we would talk calmer. That’s what I’m talking about. Thanks for proving my point bro!

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